Clubhouse Cancer

Ambassador of Quan sinks Buckeyes in Fiesta Bowl.

2009-01-06T01:07:58-06:00

Isn’t it great to see Ohio State lose at anything? Much less a devastating bowl loss to the very team screwed outta the BCS Championship.

Colt McCoy is fast becoming a Texas-sized hero down Austin way. We don’t say this lightly…but he looked positively Elway-esque tonight in the 2009 Fiesta Bowl while leading the Longhorns to a last second 24-21 victory. Quan Cosby had his best game as a Longhorn, hauling in 14 balls for 171 and two scores including the game winner with just :16 left.

Rod Tidwell would be proud.

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NCAA Football,Texas Longhorns,Ohio State Buckeyes,Colt McCoy,Quan Cosby,Matthew McConaughey

RIP Carl Pohlad 1915 2009

2009-01-05T17:22:42-06:00

Minnesota Twins owner Carl Pohlad died today at the tender age of 93. Not only was Pohlad one of the richest men in America, he was a solid baseball man and all-around good egg. He will be missed.

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,Minnesota Twins,Carl Pohlad

HOOK EM HORNS!!!

2009-01-05T17:07:36-06:00

Kick the shit outta those pansy-ass Buckholes!

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NCAA Football,Texas Longhorns,Ohio State Buckeyes,Colt McCoy,Fiesta Bowl

Cubs sign ultimate Clubhouse Cancer Milton Bradley 2009 disaster looms.

2009-01-05T16:47:44-06:00

Congrats Jim Hendry. You finally have the left-handed right fielder which you have so openly conveted. ESPN.com is reporting that the Chicago Cubs have signed oft-troubled free-agent Milton Bradley to a three year, $30 million contract.

Thus endeth the 2009 season, and perhaps Hendry’s tenure as Cubs G.M.

Sure, on the surface, Bradley seems like a decent enough financial risk. $10M per for a guy that can hit .320 with 20+ bombs and has a pretty good eye at the plate seems like a steal. Until you look deeper, of course.

Bradley is a super-douche who is now gonna feel as if he is the missing link for a 97-win playoff disappointment. Alfonso Soriano felt that way a few years ago, too. Those two are gonna have a very hard time coexisting in that tiny Wrigley Field clubhouse.

In Bradley’s nine year career, due to injuries, he has only played in 126 games more than once. Which means he’s injury prone. Te-fucking-riffic. Now the Cubs have 2 high-priced, injury prone knuckleheads in the outfield.

And let’s not overlook that famous Bradley temper. No, no, no.

This is Bradley’s eighth team in nine MLB seasons!! That is a classic Clubhouse Cancer resume. Does Hendry think drunken Bleacher Bums are gonna give Bradley a pass out there in right? That is hallowed ground once prowled by such Cub legends as the ‘Sweet Swinger’…the ‘Hawk’…and, of course, ‘Zonk’. For better or worse, it’s gonna be Brooklyn ’47 out there for the first few weeks. Ask Jacque Jones. Can Bradley handle the rowdy right-field faithful? History screams ‘NO!’

Oh, and just so you know…“LEFT…FIELD…SUCKS!!”

We predict the injury bug to bite the 2009 Cubs hard. With no Mark DeRosa to clean up the mess, it is gonna be a long, long season. Against our better judgment, we truly believed in ’08. Not anymore. You taught us another lesson, baseball gods. The glass is half empty for a couple more decades. We have seen this desperation many times before.

Only one scenario makes sense:

Doom.

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,Chicago Cubs,Milton Bradley,Mark DeRosa,Alfonso Soriano,Billy Williams,Keith Moreland,Wrigley Field,Andre Dawson

Plaxico Burress single-handedly proves the 2nd Amendment should be repealed.

2008-11-29T15:53:30-06:00

Because idiots…black, white, brown, yellow or green…shouldn’t be allowed to have a gun of any kind. And 90% of Americans are idiots. (not you, of course…but the guy sitting next to you…he’s the real idiot)

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NFL,New York Giants,Plaxico Burress,2nd Amendment,gun control

Brian Urlacher insures his son will never play football.

2008-11-26T16:18:36-06:00

Who would have thought that current Chicago Bear middle linebacker and former ferocious football player Brian Urlacher was so open minded when it comes to parenting techniques?

According to court documents filed on Tuesday, when his 3 year old son Kennedy visits, Urlacher “dresses his son in pink Cinderella diapers and paints the 3-year-old's toenails blue.”

Aww…how sweet.

The kid’s mother, Tyna Robertson, (who tricked the numbskull into impregnating her in the first place) has threatened to block Urlacher from seeing the boy if he insists on keeping up the fancy fashion situation.

After the Tuesday hearing, Robertson claimed her son has become confused by the toenail panting and wearing pull-ups designed for little girls.

“He pulls down his pants and says, ‘Mommy, look how pretty they are,’” she said.

Robertson also said Kennedy told her, “Big boys paint their nails,” and said he refused to take a bath for two days to keep the blue polish on his nails from washing off.

“He’d say, ‘Mommy, I don’t want to get my nails wet. I don’t want to mess them up,’” she said. “It took two hours to get him in the bath.”

Big boys paint their nails? Christ almighty, dude. Little kids don’t say shit like unless they’re parroting back something they have heard from a dipshit, unqualified parent.

Hopefully for him, by the time young Kennedy Urlacher gets to high school…where he will be expected to be a BMOC football super-stud…the internet will have somehow been destroyed. If not…it’s gonna be a long, rough life.

Way to go, Papa Urlacher…smart, as usual.

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NFL,Chicago Bears,Brian Urlacher,idiot,morons,Beyonce Knowles

SoummWarren. Buddy. Was it worth it?

2008-11-26T01:47:51-06:00

You were once one of the fiercest, nastiest SOB’s in the NFL, dude.

Now?

Not so much.

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NFL,ABC,Dancing With the Stars,Warren Sapp,Kym Johnson,homosexuality

Are NFL defenses starting to play softer?

2008-11-25T00:29:23-06:00

Tonight on MNF, the splendid Mike Tirico pointed out that there was an average of 51.9 total points scored per game during this past weekend’s NFL games. That’s the highest total since Week 6 of the 1987 season when replacement players were on the field due to the NFLPA strike!

So…the question must be asked: Are all these now frequent 15-yard penalties, huge fines and even suspensions for big hits actually starting to take their toll on the mindsets of NFL defensive players?

Due to the overwhelming early death rate of former NFL players, it’s obvious that commissioner Roger Goodell feels he has to help these big dummies, who…not only refuse to help themselves, but continue to loudly (and childishly) complain about the new stricter policies. Even ‘Iron Mike’ ~~Douchebag~~ Ditka, who claims to be fighting for the rights of disabled former players is railing against the sanctions now in place. As an avowed player advocate…shouldn’t ‘The Dit’ want these guys simply not to get crippled in the first place? Guess that’s not ‘tough’.

Hey, don’t get us wrong, we love big hits as much as anyone. There is very little more satisfying than when you lay a hit on some poor dude in which the back of his helmet hits the turf first. It’s like a tape-measure home run that you barely feel off the bat because it’s so perfect. But about 15 years after a crappy Division 1-AA college football career ended…and almost a dozen operations later…we sure as hell understand what Goodell is trying to do.

Hopefully, some of the more intelligent NFL players will start to see the bigger picture.

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NFL,Roger Goodell,Mike Ditka,Mike Tirico,ESPN,Monday Night Football

Live Puppy Cam is here!

2008-11-24T22:46:43-06:00

Why are we watching this when we should be bitching about how Texas is gonna get screwed outta the BCS Championship Game? Dunno. It’s like a Death Star tractor beam sucking us in.

Wonder if Mike Vick gets this feed at Leavenworth?

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,Live Puppy Cam,Texas Longhorns,Michael Vick

Apparently A-Rod is a Kabbalah school dropout.

2008-11-24T02:08:56-06:00

Is Alex Rodriguez finally coming to his HGH-fueled senses?

MSNBC.com is reporting a potential faith-based split between super-duper knuckleheads Madonna and A-Rod. Seems New York’s favorite cleanup hitter is balking (ever so clever pun intended) at his new sweetie’s cultish ‘religion’, going so far as to even cancel private classes with a Kabbalah spiritual leader named Eitan Yardeni. (of course)

“He hasn’t even finished Kabbalah 1 (the introduction to the study of Kabbalah) and the majority of the time he’s spent with Yardeni so far was for counseling, not study,” says MSNBC.com’s source.

So, Madonna’s nutjobbery is somehow not enticing one of the biggest dummies in sports history into her ever-widening web of wackitude?

Wow. So…the crazy shit that used to work on geniuses like Jose Canseco and Dennis Rodman isn’t working on a new generation of brain surgeons?

Really sucks to get old, doesn’t it babydoll?

Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,New York Yankees,Alex Rodriguez,Madonna,Kabbalah,crazy,cult