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Chicago Posts

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Devin Hester a surprise no-show at Bears camp.

Chicago Bears scintillating KR/WR Devin Hester has decided to hold out from training camp in hopes his absence will cause management to take his desire for a new contract more seriously.

Looks like Bears GM Jerry Angelo had no idea this was even a possibility, despite Hester’s agent Eugene Parker telling him as much a few days ago.

“He floated it out there, but I didn’t really take it serious because, as I say, we are still talking, we’re still in the process, there’s no closure. Usually when you say, ‘Hey, it’s over, take it or leave it, we’re out of money,’ you might get a reaction like that. But as you’re continuing on in negotiations as we have been, it is surprising.”

So, the Chicago Bears general manager is admitting he didn’t take the contract requests of HIS BEST PLAYER sincerely. That’s what he saying?!?

Unbelievable.

No wonder just yesterday Yahoo! Sports ranked Bears management 26th out of 32 total NFL teams.

Devin Hester is easily the most exciting player the NFL has seen since Deion Sanders. He’s not a malcontent poser, he’s not a druggie, he doesn’t have ‘baby mama drama’.

He’s a good kid who has simply outplayed his contract.

PAY THE MAN!!

Hester 

 

 

Brewers so desperate for bats, they sign Jay Gibbons.

BrewersThrowbackLogo Former Baltimore Orioles outfielder Jay Gibbons, who was named in the Mitchell Report and for months sought a chance to redeem himself, has signed a minor league deal with the Milwaukee Brewers, according to multiple media reports.

EVERY SINGLE one of the players who was a free agent named in the Mitchell Report remained unsigned until the Brewers sold whatever soul remained of their pathetic franchise by signing alleged ‘roid freak Gibbons.

Sure, the Cubs haven’t won the World Series in almost a century, but the Brewers have NEVER won it and they haven’t even made the playoffs in 26 years.

Perhaps the Cubs should bring back Sosa & Palmiero?

No, forget it…Chicago already has enough this year to beat Milwaukee like the red-headed stepcity it will forever be.

 

Anyone surprised that Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn are now fighting with girls?

Where are Zeke & The Worm when you need ‘em?

The best part is when asshole Laimbeer says that Mahorn is known as a ‘peacemaker’. Tell that to Scottie Pippen, dickhead.

If there is anyone in sports we despise more than Rick Mahorn, it’s Bill motherfucking Laimbeer. Slink off the court without shaking hands lately, pricks?

Candace Parker, with those massive 21-inch pythons, could kick the everloving shit outta fucking Laimbeer.

If only.

 

 

 

 

CandaceParkerisaMANbaby

 

‘The Spider’ was, and still is, the only one of those Pistons cocksuckers with even an ounce of class. 

 

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

September 20, 1988 – Expos @ Cubs (Game 2)

We remember this game as if it were yesterday.

It was a bright, sunny Tuesday afternoon, the second game of a doubleheader.  This was just before the Wrigleyville explosion of 1989 and Cubs September bleacher tickets were easy to come by. Heck, since we didn’t go to the first game, we didn’t even pay for tickets, just went to Murphy’s and asked around. Some old-timer handed us four bleacher seats and only asked for an Old Style draft in return…which we were too young to purchase legally in any bar in America save Murphy’s Bleachers in the shadow of Wrigley Field.

It was only a month and half or so after the first night game ever at Wrigley and back then, the Cubs wouldn’t even turn the lights on if a day game leaked over into the evening out of 70 years of stubborn and glorious tradition. The second game of any doubleheader was still in serious danger of not being completed.

When we saw this bean-pole, lefty rookie warming up, we knew the Cubs would win and the ‘Bleacher Bum’ razzing began. There was no was this punk kid was gonna beat us in only his second professional start. NO WAY. Just look at that delivery. Are you joking? How tall is this moron anyway? This guy’s in the majors?

The Cubs were pretty woeful in ’88, but we parked ourselves in the left field bleachers ‘cause that’s where the home runs were sure to fly. We distinctly remember one friend who jokingly suggested we leave and go out onto Waveland, as the wind was blowing out, and we might have a better shot at catching Cubs bombs.

RandyJohnsonExpos2 Three hours later, by the time dusk rolled into Chicago, the jeers had long since been quieted and we sat in stunned silence at the marvel that was Randy Johnson. We knew right that moment this guy was special. Instantly. The main worry was that he was in the NL East with the Cubs and how many years would he be doing this? It was literally breathtaking.

A complete game with 11 K’s, just 1 BB & 1 run.

It was the most astonishing pitched game we had ever seen live…until some kid struck out 20 Astros a decade later.

Then Johnson went out and beat the Cubs again six days later in Montreal.

The best thing that ever happened to the Chicago Cubs was Randy Johnson getting traded to the Mariners.

 

Urlacher succeeds in extorting the Bears for more dough.

So, the Chicago Bears, knowing they are gonna be tied to Brian Urlacher for the rest of his life…like it or not…and also knowing how he leads his greedy, stupid teammates around by the nose, decided to give into his bullshit demands and pay him more money on Monday.

They did this despite the fact he has chronic back problems and is coming off easily his worst season.

After all the players the Chicago Bears have screwed out of money and benefits over the years (Umm… the name Dick Butkus ring a bell?), you would think they’d have stuck to their guns against their morally bankrupt, no-responsibility-taking, former superstar.

While a guy like Philadelphia’s Brian Westbrook may actually be correct…he has outplayed the contract he signed…Urlacher most definitely has not. Plus, he’s a shitty role model and complete meathead with the public.

Such is life in today’s NFL when you are forced to reward the undeserving.

 

Urlacher3 

 

Rich Harden is the man.

What a pickup! Rich Harden is flat filthy.

The guy has pitched 12 1/3 innings over his two Cub starts, struck out 20, given up only six hits (including ONE tonight) and has zero wins to show for it.

What’s up with that? It happens a lot to stud pitchers like Harden. The hitters know the other team won’t be getting much with Harden on the hill, so they let their guard down juuuuust the slightest bit. The game plan should have been to see as many possible pitches from the Big Unit and get rid of him early because of the pitch count, but there was Ramirez & Lee swinging early in the count, as usual.

Post All-Star Game hangover? Get Harden some runs, boys. He’s trying to prove how worthy he is, and the Cubs are seriously letting him down.

Time to trade for Ichiro. Doesn’t matter what it costs. Give the Mariners $50M for him. Who cares? It won’t be Zell’s debt much longer and he can simply increase his asking price a little. Win/win.

Dump Edmonds and trade for Ichiro. Now. Before it’s too late.

 

RichHarden072108 

 

Monday, July 21, 2008

Piniella: Soriano felt no pain.

During his press conference before tonight’s game against the Diamondbacks, manager Lou Piniella reported that Chicago left-fielder Alfonso Soriano felt no pain in that broken left hand throughout his first few at bats for the Cubs rookie league team in Mesa.

Soriano was 0-2 with a walk and did not play the field.

“He hit a couple off the end of the bat, and a couple off the hands and he felt no pain, which is good,” Piniella said.

Very good, Lou. After scoring just two runs in the first two games of the recent series with Houston, the Cubs can use all the pop in the lineup they can get.

We don’t think that Soriano will be 100% until September, but hopefully he’ll be good enough for a while. ‘Fonzie’ will make a terrific DH come October.

AlfonsoSorianoHBP 

 

Blister sends Kerry Wood to DL? Something worse?

Ever fragile Chicago Cubs closer Kerry Wood allegedly has a blister on his right index finger that has kept him out of action since July 11 and will now probably send him to the disabled list for the 12th time in his career.

A blister? Really? As long-term Cubs followers, we’ve been noticing how hard members of the media who are in the Cubs’ pocket are selling this blister problem.

We smell a rat.

Let’s face it, the Cubs have a recent history of not telling the full story when it comes to Wood. Before this year, the past 4 spring trainings…when Wood wouldn’t take the mound…we were told various lies about his status, and he would always end up starting (or ending, or both) the season on the DL because of his brittle right arm.

Cubs GM Jim Hendry seems to come from a ‘Belichickian’ school that insists lying to fans about injuries is the norm.

Now we’re supposed to believe a blister is sending Wood to the DL yet again? Hmm…

KerryWoodGeoSoto 

 

Saturday, July 19, 2008

You too can Photoshop Brett Favre into any jersey.

This was on the front page of the Chicago Tribune earlier in the week.

We’ll say it again…if the PACKERS don’t even want Favre, why should any other team?

He has completely sucked in cold weather games the past few years, and last we checked…the Bears don’t play their home games in Bermuda.

Plus, he’s a legend of the Bears most despised rival…it would be like a St. Louis Cardinal World Series hero playing for the Cubs…oh, wait…

 

FavreBears

Here's how the Chicago Tribune's Phil Geib made this illustration: "I assembled multiple photos in Photoshop. I colored over the green existing Packers jersey. I took a #4 off of a Brian Urlacher jersey. I painted the stripes over the existing ones and added the GSH to the sleeve. Then I filled in the collar area with a dark blue and added shadow work. It took about 3 hours."

 

Friday, July 18, 2008

Bob Brenly, mythbuster.

BonbandLen After spending his All-Star break in Idaho watching his son Michael play for the Boise Hawks of the Northwest League, Cubs color announcer Bob Brenly proclaimed that the Boise State blue field does NOT kill hundreds of birds, duck and geese per year that mistake it for a small body of water, as has been reported for some time.

Damn.

 

BoiseStateBirdKiller 

 

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Jim Edmonds gets married in St. Louis.

JimEdmondsHate After consulting with out East & West Coast correspondents, we had agreed to retract our stance on Jim Edmonds, if and when he personally helped the Cubs beat the Cardinals. If he’s a Cub, then he’s a Cub, and we’ll learn to live with it. So, what happened the first time the two played since the Cubs’ acquisition of Edmonds? O-fer-the-entire-goddamn-series.

Now, he gets married in St. Louis yesterday, and has the reception at his own downtown eatery, the oh so cleverly named ‘F15teen’.

That’s fucking it. Fuck Jim Edmonds and fuck him shoving his fucking St. Louis World Series ring down the throats of Cubs fans at every goddamn turn, when he can’t even manage one fucking hit against those Cardinal cocksuckers.

You don’t see how he did that, you say? Then fuck you, too.

Well, not you…but the guy sitting next to you. Fuck him.

 

RELATED:

Monday, May 12, 2008 - Clubhouse Cancer Edmonds to Cubs a BAD idea.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - Cubs fans hate Jim Edmonds!

 

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Some comments regarding Bob Costas’ baseball roundtable on HBO.

BobCostas Pete Rose claims he wished he never made a bet, yet he sits in a studio overlooking the Las Vegas Strip. Denial ain’t just a ride at the Luxor, Charlie.

Dave Winfield is a wonderful ambassador of HOF ideals and standards, whom baseball would do well to promote and embrace. He could have told Rose the outright truth though, instead of playing the ‘this is what I hear’ card. To his credit, he doesn’t seem as aggressive and bombastic as he has in the past. Winfield has become, and will hopefully continue to be, a deserving elder statesman of the game.

Baseball writers are (mostly) people too and generally take their stewardship of the Hall of Fame seriously. Even though the stats for a HOFer might not change from year to year…a ‘first ballot’ selection to many writers is, as we believe it should be, reserved for the most elite of all players of a generation.

For all his myriad errors, Bud Selig is generally right. The game has never been more popular and his oversight has helped usher the game’s popularity to unprecedented heights. However, he simply won’t admit he was (and continues to be) wrong on many things. He isn’t pure evil as many baseball fans think…but he is a relatively spineless bureaucrat seemingly only beholden to his fellow owners. Selig doesn’t have the game’s best interest at heart, but how can you argue the results? If the game had remained where it was before Selig took over, it can be argued that baseball would be less popular than the NHL at this point in history. Who would that benefit?

If you don’t like interleague play, don’t fucking watch. If you don’t like the ramifications of the All-Star game…again, don’t watch. If you despise skyrocketing salaries…stay as far away from the ballpark as possible. So far, there isn’t enough public outrage to justify a switch. Selig is reactionary…not visionary. Just like most stuff, if your opinion is among the majority, the things you dislike will usually change or disappear altogether. Well, except Chris Berman’s career longevity…nobody can adequately explain that.

Bob Gibson, forever the hardass, looked like he might jump up and punch old Willie Mays in the throat when called a ‘headhunter’.

Hank Aaron is cool as all hell.

Is Bob Costas 45 or 70? Hard to tell.

Reigning NL MVP Jimmy Rollins is a perfect spokesman for the plight of blacks, or lack thereof, in MLB. Not just because he’s an articulate dude, but because he is very intelligent and doesn’t mind telling it the way he sees it. Jesse probably wants to cut Rollins’ nuts off, too.

OK, enough for now…time to scour the web for more Favre shit. That’s what the stat counter tells us you like.

 

Alfonso Soriano digging for gold.

If this guy wasn’t such a Clubhouse Cancer…we’d lay off…after all, he’s a two-time Cub All-Star. But he’s a truly selfish dick whose teammates even despise him.

(We reserve the right to reverse our stance on Alfonso Soriano entirely when he starts banging bombs again. Hey, if you're looking for a sports site that takes itself seriously, there are plenty of other options...cough, cough Deadspin...cough.)

 

 

So…there can be only three World Series games at Wrigley Field in 2008.

You had to know Brad Lidge would blow it on the big stage. Has he ever not?

Seeya in October, Sox.

 

WrigleySign3

 

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The reason Cubs fans (or even despicable White Sox fans) are better than Yankees fans.

If you don’t know why from this picture…then please don’t ever go to Wrigley Field.

‘Nuff said.

 

YankeeStadiumAllStarGame08b

 

Plus, at Wrigley…they don’t have to remind fans not to leave…

(ok, that one’s admittedly not entirely true…)

MarianoRiveraPosterYankeeStadium

 

Monday, July 14, 2008

Brewers’ Sheets, Indians’ Lee to start All-Star Game.

Looks like our ‘source’ screwed us on this one. Fuck.

Sorry, no excuse.

BenSheets CliffLee

 

Ozzie’s taunts doom White Sox.

It just gets stupider and stupider for Ozzie Guillen and the Chicago White Sox.

Yesterday, in the midst of blowing a four run, ninth inning lead, Texas Rangers closer CJ Wilson found all the inspiration he needed in the opposing dugout – when he heard White Sox manager Guillen taunting him.

“I didn’t have good stuff, and then I got angry when Ozzie Guillen started yelling at me, and I just took it to another level,” Wilson said of striking out Jim Thome and Paul Konerko looking to end a 12-11 Texas win. “I wish I could have taken it to that level right away and then been out of there with a couple of pitches.”

Now, Ozzie’s boca is costing his team crucial games.

This is especially satisfying as we were watching the game yesterday in the Clubhouse Cancer executive offices with a notorious White Sox fan and consummate Guillen apologist.

OzzieGuillenHappy 

 

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Jim McMahon is the ‘Twister King of Lake Tahoe’!

‘Hey, baby…left hand, blue me.’

 

JimMcMahonTwisterPants

 

 

Clubhouse Cancer Exclusive: Carlos Zambrano to start All-Star game.

Clubhouse Cancer has learned that Chicago Cubs righty Carlos Zambrano will be named National League All-Star starter on Monday by Colorado Rockies manager Clint Hurdle.

So far in 2008, Zambrano is 10-3 with a 2.84 ERA, 78 strikeouts & 38 BB in 120.3 innings pitched.

 

CarlosZambrano

BigZ2

 

Recently erratic Marmol replaces Wood on NL All-Star team.

Right-handed pitcher Carlos Marmol of the Chicago Cubs will replace his teammate, Kerry Wood, on the National League All-Star roster. N.L. All-Star manager Clint Hurdle of the Colorado Rockies made the announcement today in conjunction with Major League Baseball.

Marmol is 2-3 with a 4.13 earned run average and 70 strikeouts in 52 2/3 innings this season as the set-up man for Wood, the Cubs’ closer. Wood has a blister on his right index finger that has bothered him for a few weeks and prevented him from pitching in yesterdays game. Wood is tied for first in the National League with 24 saves.

Huh?

OK, so Marmol leads the majors in the hip new statistic for middle reliever’s ‘holds’, but a fucking ALL-STAR?!?

Carlos has barely been able to hit the broadside of an ivy-covered barn these days…unless, of course, he wasn’t trying to…then he could bean it and send it to first base just fine.

Perhaps Hurdle sees the Cubs as the best team in the NL, and wants to allow the Cubs the ability to control their own World Series fate, because after all…‘this time it counts!’ (ugh)

 

CarlosMarmol053008

 

Saturday, July 12, 2008

RIP Bobby Murcer 1946-2008

Bobby Murcer died today of complications from a malignant brain tumor.

Most will remember Bobby Murcer as the only Yankee to play with Mickey Mantle and Don Mattingly. However, we will remember Bobby as the greatest Cub #7 of all-time when he patrolled center at Wrigley Field from ‘77-’79.

 

BobbyMurcer BobbyMurcer2

 

 

Piniella: Wood won’t pitch in All-Star game.

In today’s post-game press conference, after the Cubs 11 inning win over the San Francisco Giants, manager Lou Piniella informed the media that NL save leader Kerry Wood would not be available to pitch on Sunday or Tuesday in the All-Star game at Yankee Stadium.

No reason was given by Piniella and the perpetually intimidated Chicago sports media naturally didn’t ask why.

UPDATE:

MLB.com's excellent Cubs beat writer Carrie Muskat reports that Wood has a stubborn blister on his right index finger, which will keep him out of the Midsummer Classic. 

Check back for updates…

KerryWood 

 

Friday, July 11, 2008

Obama to sponsor NASCAR entry in Pocono.

Presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama will become the first major candidate to sponsor a car for NASCAR’s top echelon, currently called the Sprint Cup Series.

Obama will sponsor Ken Schrader’s #49 Toyota during the August 3 race at Pocono Raceway in Pennsylvania.

There are two main problems, as we see it. Conservative blowhards will use the fact he’s sponsoring a Toyota against him and, more importantly, Ken Schrader sucks and probably won’t qualify for the race on speed, anyway.

So then, why not try for a better driver in a better situation? Because none of the top drivers would be willing to alienate their redneck fanbase mealtickets by putting a black man’s message on their cars. That’s why.

 

ObamaCar3 

ObamaCar2