I’m happy as a clam for the South Carolina Gamecocks winning their first ever major national sports championship. Well, as happy as someone who doesn’t give a shit could possibly be. That being said, you gotta know that you don’t bring the trophy with you through the post-game handshakes. That’s like shoving it right in their collective face. Who knows? Maybe that’s what they were trying to do. It’s a good thing that UCLA is full of pretty-boy surfer types though. If South Carolina was flaunting that trophy in front of a real team like Texas the Omaha hospitals and jails would have been full of college ballplayers last night.
Who even knew Anna Kournikova competed at Wimbledon anymore? Martina Hingis too, for that matter. Nice to know that singer Anna’s dating, or is married to, who knows…anyway, that Latin singer guy…you know who he is…yeah him, that Latin dude, right…nice to see he hasn’t let her get fat.
You gotta love Ronnie. As a matter of fact, I demand it. If you are a “Cubs fan” who doesn’t like Ron Santo then do us all a favor, leave here and never come back. I cannot abide someone who claims to be a fan but doesn’t at least appreciate what Ronnie means to the franchise. Are there gaps/gaffes/blatant errors in his analysis? Yes. Your point? That’s what Pat Hughes is there for. Would you rather have Dave Otto? Answer me you lousy sonofabitch. WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE DAVE OTTO? Didn’t think so. Yeah OK alright, I’m sorry too…but you know how worked up I get when someone criticizes my Ronnie…
Pretty funny stuff. Isner is at about 10 of the 15 minutes, by the way. Nothing bigger than the Top Ten List on Letterman. Maybe after this a Regis and then they make a porn spoof about you and then back to the outer courts for the world to ignore. QUICK! Whose name do you remember first? The pitcher who lost the perfect game, or the umpire who blew the call?Surprised at your answer? I’ll ask about these tennis guys in a few weeks.
God do I hate when the retard hosts on these dumb local shows try to make it all about them. Just get to the girls already, dipshit. What a perfect representation of female Chicago sports fans, too. Uh huh. Sure. The closest these chicks have even been to a major league baseball game was when Barry Bonds pissed on them at the Playboy Mansion last winter. And what do you want to bet they don’t sell very many in that size of the White Sox version.
It has to be intimidating for a 21 year old kid like Turner to get up and sing in front of 40,000 people who all turn and look at you at the same time, so he can be forgiven for kind of giving up at the end. Let’s face it, he went to Ohio State…not Juilliard.
I tacked his first pitch on at the end. Oh, how I spoil you.
Now that Soriano is showcasing himself for a trade by actually trying the last couple of games, hopefully the Cubs can get Tyler Colvin to what I believe will be his long-term major league position of left field, sooner rather than later. I personally don’t think Colvin has the rifle to play right. I mentioned that on Twitter a few days ago (uh huh, that’s right) and the opinion is reinforced every time I see him throw.
However, that’s probably not how this campaign should start, so let me point out that Colvin is 2nd in NL rookies in home runs (10-11) to the spring training runaway ROY winner Altanta’s Jason Heward, but Colvin is hitting a robust 40 points higher while bouncing all around a struggling Cubs lineup and never knowing at what position he will end up playing the next day.
TyCo (that’s my new, admittedly kinda gay, nickname for Colvin) also handles the media perfectly for a rookie, which is to say almost not at all. He doesn’t feels he has to come to the plate with his back pockets inside out or wear 10 pounds of gold chains like his divatante rookie teammate. (umm yeah, ‘divatante’ is a mixture of diva & debutante, so that’s a 2-fer just in this paragraph alone) I even like the way Colvin gets angry with himself when he strikes out, as he should.
But hitting him leadoff isn’t helping. He should hit third, right before Byrd. The season’s virtually over so Lou might as well just set an everyday lineup and forget it. And yes, that was a Ron Popeil reference. Hey, you don’t come here for the baseball insight.
Who would have ever thought you could put an entire season’s worth of Alfonso Soriano hustling clips together much a couple of games worth, but that’s just what I was able to do after this past weekend against the White Sox. Now, keep in mind, most of these are considered ‘hustle’ compared to Soriano’s usual lazy-bastardocity, so unless you see a lot of the Cubs left-fielder, you might think these are just regular major league plays by a former MVP. But oh no. After 4 years of intense scrutiny, I’m here to tell you this is Soriano turned up to ‘11’.
Looks like all it took was Zambrano’s meltdown to remind someone else that his grossly overpaid ass better start producing but quick, huh?
Good, I’m glad they won that stupid cursed trophy. Who wants to bet that since now the White Sox are the American sporting face of BP’s environmental annihilation of the Gulf of Mexico, they end up closer to last place than first?
Hey, you gotta start a good curse early. When historians 150 years from now want to know where the legendary ‘Curse’ started, they can point to this post as their earliest example. See? Now, you’re reading an official (eventual) historical artifact. It’s almost like you’re Button Gwinnett hanging out in Philadelphia looking for cool stuff to do in early July, 1776.
I don’t know much about mixed martial arts, to be sure, but I can’t really imagine that casual fans consider the beating of a legend without throwing one punch something they are going to tune in to very often. I’m sure there are hard core Brazilian jiu jitsu aficionados out there who see this as a breathtaking and groundbreaking victory…but those people have to know they’re in the vast minority. I mean, I hope they’re in the vast minority. Then again, come to think of it, I actually don’t care. This was unentertaining to me, a knowledgeable and diverse sports fan and that’s all they need to know. I’m the kind of fan that will ultimately make or break MMA and if they lose me like they have now done they might as well pack up their off-putting homo-eroticism for good. Wow, it’s easier pronouncing the death of a sport than you think.
That’s twice in 2 weeks! Pierre uses the exact same swim move to fool Castro tonight at US Cellular Field as he did at Wrigley a couple of weeks ago!
When it happens once, you tip your hat and move on…but when it happens again, the identical way as before, then something crucial is just not getting through to your young shortstop. The worst part for Cubs’ fans though is that Pierre played Castro for a sucker and that cannot be allowed. Where’s Michael Barrett when you need him?
Aww, what a shame. We didn’t win. What disappointment you must feel, huh? We’ll never, ever forget these guys names, right? Because they made the second round at the World Cup one time way back in 2010. When they lost to Ghana. Right?
Please. Maybe now you’ll realize how much soccer truly sucks. Let’s face it, there is only one biggest deal in the sport and that’s only every 4 years, which half the time we don’t qualify for anyway, and in any regard, you know we’ll never, ever win.
Now baseball has one US winner everysingleyear. (America’s top hat, Canada, has only won twice…USA! USA!!) Baseball is a game ripe with tradition and just imperfect enough to be our national freaking past time. Go ahead. Watch some baseball on FOX tonight. I won’t tell anyone. Learn a few of the names and then pick the Yankees to win the World Series at work tomorrow. Even if they don’t, they’ll go far enough into the playoffs where you can get some of that good ol’ American sports thrill back.
Jesus. Let’s not go overboard here. (I just now saw the ad for Imperioli’s new series on ABC. Imagine that.)
What I’m waiting really for is for someone to recognize that this whole thing is not about the sport of soccer (fútbol) really at all, but about a country that is no shit desperate to come back together over something, if anything. We need to share and cheer with our friends and neighbors again. It’s the summertime…almost the 4th of July…and we want to be able to talk about something at backyard barbecues that is of national interest other than the President or the Tea Party or whatever, which is always eventually a downer anyway. Trust me, a year from now American soccer will be back to where it has always been, somewhere slightly above the Westminster Dog Show and below the National Spelling Bee in televised appeal. For instance, the neighbor kid next door who has played soccer his entire life, is out shooting hoops right now as I write this, which is in the middle of the first half against Ghana. This country is getting ready to go through more heated political and social battles about climate change and unemployment and immigration reform, so let’s enjoy the World Cup in America for what it really is…a patriotic national experience.
For example, the most awesome version of the National Anthem I have seen in a long, long time:
I think that makes a pretty tidy headline. And, I bet I’m more than half right. He’ll get a call tomorrow from someone with a Russian accent that talked to someone in the commissioner’s office telling him just to shut the everloving fuck up for another goddamn week already. Stupid American singing rapper.
Listen to the subtle digs Lou gets in at Zambrano about giving up a 3-run 0-2 homer in the 1st against the White Sox.
It also sounds to me like Piniella went in and told Jim Hendry to get rid of the petulant pitcher. I don’t know if Lou went as far as ‘him or me’, but I simply believe this situation is unrecoverable. You can’t effectively call out a renowned leader like Derrek Lee whose effort has NEVER, EVER been questioned and just offer a half-hearted apology to make things OK. A change has got to be made. But what? What other idiotic team would take him, his temper, his ego and his giant contract?
This is what it’s like to be a life-long Cubs fan, by the way. It ain’t always ivy & Old Style.
UPDATE: Zambrano has been suspended indefinitely by Cubs GM Jim Hendry.
If you are such an imbecile that you get the mild-mannered, gold glover Derrek Lee pissed off at you, then it’s really, finally time to go.
I don’t see how Zambrano can recover any semblance of his foundering Cubs career after this. Obviously there will be a lot of alternating analysis about this in the next day or so. On the Cubs broadcast, Bob Brenly was giving the “it’s about time someone showed some emotion” speech, while on the Sox broadcast, Steve Stone was condemning the outburst as childish. I have to go with Stoney on this one. If it were Lee or Dempster who had challenged his teammates, that would have been different. But the guys on this Cubs team have seen and heard all this nonsense from Zambrano so much it’s not only impossible to take him seriously, it looks as if he’s just flat worn out his $19,000,000 welcome.
Coming into today’s game against the Mariners, the last time the Cubs were 9 games under .500 was June 2, 2007…which just happened to be the day Lou went on his last ever ‘Sweet Lou’ tirade, much to the delight of theWrigley Field faithful. The stunt actually seemed to convince the Cubs they were playing for a guy who cared as much as them and they proceeded to roar into 1st place and capture back-to-back NL Central titles.
That was then.
Now, all we get is the somewhat perturbed ‘Geezer Lou’ who huffs & puffs for a second and then lets the ump talk him into not getting tossed. Yes, the Cubs did win, but this geriatric squabble was more the equivalent of a disagreement over dominoes than an attempt to kick-start his foundering ballclub.
Somewhere, Rob Dibble is screaming at the poor girl who brought him Ranch instead of Bleu Cheese.
Not only do they not know how to spell ‘BRENLY’ or ‘thru’ (which is a misspelling of a misspelling…these handmade ballpark signs aren’t text messages dipshit, ‘through’ would have fit just fine), but they don’t even know that Bob Brenly was a catcher. Why would you be a ‘Cub fan’ because of one of the broadcasters who never played for the team anyway? And yes, that guy does represent every single solitary San Francisco Giants fan on the planet. Not to mention these rubes root for a franchise that hasn’t won a World Series since 1954! HA, suckers! Oh, wait…
Here was my thought process during the above clip: USA! USA!!...holy shit does Tracy Austin look old…typical fucking Frenchy, running away like a little girl with abeille dans son chapeau (thank you, Google Tanslate)…are John Isner’s eyes as green as a Wimbledon lawn after a fresh summer rain?…is that leftover pizza from 3 days ago still good?…U-S-A! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!!…Hannah Storm is actually doing the right thing here and shutting the hell right up…What time does the Cubs game start today?…Damn, I gotta get this video up on the site…OK, so what were those guys names again?
The shelf life on Ron Artest’s fun, but kinda out of control drunken celebration of the Lakers championship is expiring quickly. OK dude, we get it. You love to drink and aren’t too big on self control, so this is an excuse to do so with literally no consequences. The only thing I have to say is that if you’re staying up for days at a time, you’re doing a little more than drinking. Hey, plenty of people would like to teach the world to sing for days on end, too. But that only goes on for so long before you find yourself trying to get the high score at a 25 year-old stand-up Pac Man machine in a dingy fried fish restaurant at 11am on a sunny Wednesday in early February on the far South Side of Chicago. Or so I am told.
Sometimes these TwitVids aren’t playing on the site properly, so you might have to reload the page to get them to work. Try it a few thousand times, if need be.
Bob Brenly was bruuuutal to Milton Bradley during tonight’s Cubs/Mariners game at Safeco Field. He kept bringing up how there is a bar in Seattle that changes prices for domestic beer on Monday’s according to Bradley’s batting average. So, his current .207 will get you a Bud Light Lime (and a punch in the face) or Miller High Life for $2.07. Which is way more cynical and awesome than I ever thought Seattle was, by the way. The same joint also has a special called the “Milton Meltdown”, a patty melt for just $5 on Sat/Sun if Bradley has an ‘episode’ during the week. Mmm…bipolicious…
As a sports fan (well, most sports) this was truly amazing to watch. Not only is Isner (IZZ-ner) like 6’9, but Mahut (ma-HOOT) had to win 50+ games off his serve, just to stay in the match! That’s games, not points, by the way. Of course we had to put up with the ho-riffic Hannah Storm who has to one-up her broadcast partners at every turn after any one of them provides the slightest insight. But Patrick McEnroe is the 2nd best analyst in the business (and in his family) so that made up for Storm’s nonsense.
Of course, Mahut had to Frenchy it up by basically quitting when it was 59-59, but the dive above more than makes up for his typical Franco-cowardice.
How about this sports day we have had so for? From the World Cup to Lawrence Taylor to this Wimbledon match…I just hope it doesn’t end with Cliff Lee no-hitting the Cubs.
