This probably won’t help head coach Charlie Weis’ plight to keep his job.
Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen was involved in a fight outside a South Bend bar early Sunday morning, according to a report Monday evening by WGN radio’s David Kaplan.
According to Kaplan, Clausen has two black eyes from the altercation which occurred around 2:30 a.m. Sunday.
It’s about time someone put that snarky, scrunch-faced punk in his place! Actually, Clausen seems to be a decent kid, but he goes to ND, so he’s naturally someone any decent person should revile.
Since my crack investigative staff has Thanksgiving week off, I can only speculate about the nature of the incident, but I have been in enough bars (and subsequent altercations) to know how things like this go. Well, let me rephrase that. It depends on if he was at a college bar or a ‘townie’ bar. If he was at a college bar, then it was some loudmouth, swimming in lemon drop shots, who kept going on about how ND sucks and Charlie Weis is fat and Chris Zorich is gay and Steve Beuerlein is gay and Joe Theismann is gay and Brady Quinn is well, you know…the usual…and Clausen finally had enough. But quarterbacks are prissy little schoolgirls and if Bull Durham taught us anything it’s that when you get in a fight with a drunk you don't hit him with your pitching/throwing hand, so if you can’t punch, you’re bound to wind up with a black eye or two.
Now, if he was at a townie bar it’s a different story. Those losers are not only dying to put a future millionaire in his place, they are looking for an easy payday. So some Hoosier, swimming in Busch Light, calls Clausen ‘Hollywood’ or ‘Montana’ or something, cracks him in the nose for no reason, then tries to convince his buddies to go along with a lie so they can sue Clausen for a bundle and maybe Christmas will be good for their kids for once. Maybe they even called him ‘Santa Clausen’ after he left.
As you can imagine, when I started this post, I had no idea I would be absolving Jimmy Clausen of any sort of blame, but there you have it. I don’t know how it happened either. But even if I wasn’t there, I have been there. Plenty. (chicagobreakingsports)
ESPN update: Clausen was apparently punched in the face by an irate fan outside a South Bend restaurant early Sunday morning and has a swollen eye, a person briefed on the incident said on Monday.
That person said Clausen was “sucker-punched” by a fan as he left an establishment after having dinner with his parents.
The fan allegedly said something to Clausen and/or a female acquaintance.
A South Bend police spokesman said that no police reports were filed over the weekend involving Clausen, according to the Chicago Tribune.
The newspaper also reported that the name of the bar was CJ's and that a bartender at the establishment said that Clausen had been there with family members and other Irish upperclassmen after Notre Dame's loss to Connecticut on Senior Day.
My research (googling: “CJ’s South Bend”) tells me that CJ’s is a pub generally full of college kids which also has great hamburgers. So, I’ll stick with scenario A above. This is why I rarely do “breaking news”. Because it’s always incomplete and then, being such a serious journalist, I have to update it and that’s a complete pain. So stick to SI.com for your breaking news and I’ll just put up more videos of Devin Hester’s butt or the like.
