Too bad Orton plays for Denver and the team of which Urlacher is supposed to be the captain spent two first rounders to get Jay ‘The Interceptee’ Cutler.
Yahoo! Sports writer Michael Silver spent what I’m positive was an excruciating 36 hours in Chicago this past weekend chronicling the Bears linebacker’s travails as a NFL spectator. Silver gives the reader a fascinating insight into how big an immature dick Urlacher really is in social situations where women are involved.
Crawling slowly across the hardwood floor, Urlacher snuck behind a leather couch where several female guests were watching the game on a flat-screen television. Just as Favre was about to take the snap, the linebacker reached for a young woman named Andrea, his shocking pink cast hovering above her shoulder. Simultaneously, Urlacher grabbed her and screamed, causing Andrea and her equally frightened friends to gasp while the men in attendance howled with laughter.
Ugh. Urlacher is 31 freaking years old, not 11. But that doesn’t seem to stop baby boy Brian.
Urlacher has gotten some benefits out of his pink cast – “The girls love it; it’s an aphrodisiac,” he said – but he eagerly awaits its removal next Monday. “My wrist will be tiny, but it should be totally healed,” he said. “I’ll be fully rehabbed by the end of January. I still can’t believe I had to miss the season because of this. When the doctor told me, I got very angry. It wasn’t pretty.” For now, Urlacher uses the cast as a prop when engaging in pranks: He peeled off parts of it and spent several minutes planting them into the blonde hair of Shane, one of the female guests at his brother’s gathering, before she whirled around and yelled, “What are you doing?”
The story previously states how Urlacher was screaming at the television throughout the game and criticizing the Bears pass coverage on a particular Viking touchdown. Probably much to the giggly delight of the chicks in attendance. They are probably at their hair salon jobs right now recounting Brian’s ‘passion’. Can you just imagine the type of vapid, golddiggers a guy like Urlacher and his idiot brother must attract? They all think they will be the ‘lucky’ one to be Brian’s next baby-mama and I bet at least one will win that orange trash lottery.
However, Urlacher makes no bones about who he would rather see as the Bears quarterback.
“Look, I love Jay, and I understand he’s a great player who can take us a long way, and I still have faith in him,” Urlacher said. “But I hate the way our identity has changed. We used to establish the run and wear teams down and try not to make mistakes, and we’d rely on our defense to keep us in the game and make big plays to put us in position to win. Kyle Orton might not be the flashiest quarterback, but the guy is a winner, and that formula worked for us. I hate to say it, but that’s the truth.”
Here’s something in which Urlacher and I are in complete agreement. Nice of him to start off with the “Look, I love Jay” part, though.
At least Brian Urlacher finally knows what it’s like to be a Bears fan, even if it took a career threatening injury to get there. (yahoo)
