You don’t say? Wow.
And, at least according to Sports Illustrated in 1989, quite the flamboyant heterosexual.
« August 2008 | Main | October 2008 »
September 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Bengals sign another malcontent in Cedric Benson.
Do the winless Cincinnati Bengals even care about how the public perceives them? Sadly, the answer is…probably not.
With rumors swirling that QB Carson Palmer on his injured left elbow might actually need ‘Tommy John’ surgery, Cincy signed troubled former first round bust Cedric Benson to bolster their ever thinning RB corps Tuesday.
Let’s get this straight, the Bengals cut a decent guy, and solid NFL RB, in Rudi Johnson (only to see him named the Lions starter this week) who only wanted to be paid his fair market value…for one of the biggest first-round busts in NFL history? This is a guy, Cedric Benson, who alienated every single one of his future Bears teammates with a contentious contract hold-out after he was drafted.
Benson never recovered after the bashing he took from his teammates after his hold-out…and the Bengals front-office probably won’t recover their jobs after yet another public relations nightmare when Benson eventually shows his true colors.
At least Benson won’t have to worry about fumbling in the Super Bowl any time soon.
Jim Belushi embarrasses self; Chicago yet again.
Why is it that the Cubs are America’s most popular sports team, but they can’t seem to find an actual big name, A-list celebrity to invite to stuff like today’s rally in Daley Plaza?
The whole thing started with Belushi’s z-list rendition of a song his significantly more talented brother made famous, ‘Sweet Home Chicago’ and ended with a cheesy plug for repeats of his shitty ex-show on WGN followed by a completely humiliating version of the Wrigley Field classic ‘Go Cubs Go’ which saw him changing the freakin’ words so the assembled throng couldn’t even sing along.
We Cubs fans have had e-fucking-nough of Jim fucking Belushi. Seriously. Vince Vaughn might be a grumpy, fat, dickwad…but at least he’s relatively young and almost still relevant.
Please, Crane Kenney (who Da Mayor called ‘Crane Kennedy’, btw), find a different celeb for all the festivities yet to come.
Shoot us an e-mail if you need help planning the upcoming merriment…it already looks like you’re in over your head and could use some serious assistance to do things the right, most memorable way for Cubs fans.
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,WGN,Chicago Cubs,Jim Belushi,Crane Kenney,Richard Daley,plaza,rally,party
Saturday, September 27, 2008
RIP - Paul Newman - Original American Badass
Since the sad news has begun to trickle out that silver-screen legend Paul Newman has died of lung cancer, it’s time for us to take a look back at the Oscar winner’s unparalleled American sporting influence.
From his star-making turn as Rocky Graziano in ‘Somebody Up There Likes Me’, to pop-culture icon Fast Eddie Felson in ‘The Hustler’, to Reggie Dunlop in the transcendent classic ‘Slap Shot’, Paul Newman is perhaps America’s single greatest sports-film performer.
Seeing Paul Newman on screen was more than just ‘going to a movie’…it was an event…an experience. You called up a group of friends to go with you and vehemently argued who got to sit on the aisle. You all went to a sleazy dive afterward and swilled JTS Brown (or Jack Daniel’s when that’s all the joint naturally had) until somebody stood and drunkenly bellowed, “YOU OWE ME MONEY!!”
Paul Newman was the rarest of dudes that even the most masculine among us could admit we didn’t mind spending a couple of hours lost in his deep, blue eyes. (OK, ok…that was admittedly more than a tad gay.)
Let’s not forget that Paul Newman also singlehandedly lifted the Indianapolis 500 from a cute little niche race, into our collective national consciousness, around which American men planned their Memorial Day Weekend’s for 40 freakin’ years. Newman not only made racecar driving cool…he made it essential. Guys wanted to ‘know cars’ solely because chicks dug seeing Paul Newman as Frank Capua in the 1969 film ‘Winning’.
Newman’s philanthropy cannot be overlooked, of course. His ‘Newmans’ Own’ line of products has generated over $100M for underprivileged kids.
To their credit, today’s biggest stars like Clooney & Pitt are trying their girly-man best to carry the gigantic Newman standard, but falling pitifully and shamefully short.
To be fair, it’s not really their faults, there simply cannot and will never be another Paul Newman.
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,Paul Newman
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Troy Brown to retire.
Who knew he wasn’t already retired?
Troy Brown was as selfless a players as the NFL has seen in many a year. In his prime, the Patriots asked him to play defensive back, thus effectively ending his career as an A-list, superstud WR.
With his three rings and impeccable pedigree, we think Troy Brown will eventually make his way to enshrinement in Canton.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Is Hank Steinbrenner actually retarded?
What is he trying to prove to New York fans with this latest ‘Baby Boss’ buffoonery?
That he really only has the Yankees best interests at heart…or…does he just not know any better, due to some obviously unreported mental disability?
First, he doesn’t like the National League because the pitcher hits, of all things…now he doesn’t like divisional play because his team sucks worse than Tampa Bay, of all teams. He’s probably really burned up because he has been banished to the very city that now rules the AL East, and under his stewardship, the Yankees have never made the playoffs.
So…what can baseball do to make the Bitchy Baby Boss happy? Grandfather the Yankees into the post-season every year? Perhaps simply canonize his team as American League Champions Emeritus, and do away with that pesky regular season?
The best line we’ve heard yet about ‘Steinbrenner The Younger’ is that he ‘was born on third base, and thinks he hit a triple.’ What a fucking dick.
Hopefully he invested daddy’s dough heavily in Lehman Brothers…then Mark Cuban can buy the Yankees.
Now that Millen’s out…which network will snap him up?
We NFL fans tend to forget that before Matt Millen’s unsuccessful, albeit lengthy, tenure as Detroit Lions team president and GM, at one point he was easily on his way towards becoming the next John Madden.
As a broadcaster, Millen is engaging, insightful & funny, and while he will probably take the rest of the 2008 regular season off, we fully expect him to join one of the networks as the Super Bowl approaches.
Since FOX Sports’ Jay Glazer is the reporter who broke this story, and Millen probably knows the NFC pretty well…we predict he will link-up with his butt-buddy in Raiderdom Howie and the rest of the laughing-gas gang in the FOX studio for the playoffs.
Aren’t you supposed to actually have a heart to be ‘heartbroken’?
The NY Post is reporting that the lying, cheating, douchetacular Roger Clemens was “heartbroken” when his former team left him out of Sunday night’s Yankee Stadium-farewell festivities, which included a video montage honoring all the Bronx Bombers’ greatest pitchers…except him.
You reap what you sow, Rocket. If you spend your life assholing it up…no matter what your ‘accomplishments’…people will forget about you quickly.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Eddie Vedder writes Cubs tribute song.
Chicago radio stations and sports bars have begun spinning “All the Way,” a Cubs-themed ditty written by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder at the request of Cubs legend Ernie Banks, Billboard.com reports. The track features lines like “Our heroes wear pinstripes / pinstripes in blue / give us a chance to feel like heroes too.”
It was recorded last month during Cubs fan Vedder’s solo concert at Auditorium Theatre, according to Billboard.com. The song will be available for downloading in the next few days, according to Pearl Jam’s Web site, and may also be sold on CD and “souvenir 45 singles.”
This song is a-fucking-mazing. If you can’t find a reason to love it…you aren’t a Cubs fan. Period.
GO CUBS GO!!
A few golf chicks we wouldn’t mind seeing in Playboy…
We haven’t put up a hot chick post in a while…mostly Cubs lately.
So, with the Ryder Cup this weekend, our minds turn briefly to golf. And since you probably don't want to see a picture spread of Miguel Angel Jimenez…well, maybe a few of you do…you know who you are…
Thanks to Hef’s obvious senility, Playboy has completely destroyed their previously unsurpassed standards in the talent department, so we we’re gonna do a big ‘Top 10 Golf Babes’ post this past summer…but, quite frankly, once you get past Gulbis, there’s isn’t too much there.
But there are a few:
Maria Verchenova ~ Age: 22 ~ Country: Russia
Cristie Kerr ~ Age: 30 ~ Country: USA
OK…she doesn’t really look like this anymore…she’s had a kid and put on some weight, but we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and put her in the MILF category.
Momoko Ueda ~ Age: 22 ~ Country: Japan
Melissa Reid ~ Age: 21 (Today, 9/19/08 is her 21st Birthday! Who knew? Sadly...us) ~ Country: England
Morgan Pressel ~ Age: 20 ~ Country: USA
and, of course…
Anna Rawson ~ Age: 27 ~ Country: Australia
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Cubs Clinch Countdown ~ Magic Number: 2
BIG WIN, BABY!!! Down 6-2 with two outs in the bottom of the ninth? No problem for 2008 NL ROY Geo Soto and the boys in blue from the Northside! Nice to see Woody get out of the tightest of spots in the top of the 12th and D. Lee as the hero in the bottom of the inning.
This is your daily Magic Number update for the Chicago Cubs historic push towards a World Series championship and reminder of the only place that really matters.
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,Chicago Cubs,Wrigley Field,Kerry Wood,Derrek Lee,Geovany Soto,magic number
Video: Lance Briggs is a drunken moron.
Here is a vid of Chicago Bears OLB Lance Briggs trying to be clever behind the bar of Harry Caray’s restaurant in the River North neighborhood of Chicago.
It gives some very serious insight into Briggs apparent severe problems with alcohol, like when his dad told him in college that if he wasn’t drinking Crown Royal “straight…you aren’t drinking it right.” But now Lance drinks mostly vodka because it makes him a “happy drunk.” Tells you a lot, right? The sour apple schnapps usually doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
Also, Mexico City is only the 10th largest city in the world, dipshit.
Lance Briggs is gonna be one of those guys his teammates have to hold benefits for in 20 years or so. He’ll show up at Super Bowl XLI reunion parties fat, crippled and broke…and people will wonder where it all went wrong.
Oh yeah…when you visit Harry Caray’s…stay away from the free homemade potato chips. They’re fattingly addictive.
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NFL,Chicago Bears,Lance Briggs,Harry Caray's restaurant,Mexico City
Muhammad Ali is an American icon…please don’t use him for a photo op.
So, the Ryder Cup is in Muhammad Ali’s hometown of Louisville this weekend and apparently someone invited him to Valhalla Golf Club to help inspire the event.
Now, we’re not gonna jump on the bandwagon of dickheads who say Ali doesn’t even know where he is anymore…because that’s not how Parkinson’s works. His mind is ever sound, only his body has slowly betrayed him.
That’s what makes these pictures with grinning euro-trash harder to stomach. You just know the hilarious Ali is still buried deep in there somewhere and he’s fucking dying to tell these pansy golfers where to get off, and how they're gonna get their collective ass kicked.
USA! USA!! USA!!!
Some classic Ali:
Shea Stadium video mentioned on the Howard Stern show.
Hilarious. Classic.
Too bad those same cruel Mets fans will be weeping when the Cubs destroy them in early October.
Curt Schilling is a hypocrite and liar of epic proportions.
In an interview Wednesday on Boston radio station WEEI-AM, injured Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling took his former teammate Manny Ramirez to task by saying, among other things, Manny’s “level of disrespect to teammates and people was unfathomable.”
“The guy got to dress in a locker away from the team for seven years,” Schilling said. “And then [when] he’s on this crusade to get out of here, all of a sudden he’s in the locker room every day, voicing his displeasure without even having to play the game that night.”
Seeing as he hasn’t pitched inning 1 in 2008, isn’t ‘voicing his displeasure without even having to play the game that night’ pretty much exactly what Schilling is doing now? Sheesh. This douche just doesn’t get it.
However, a couple of years ago, Schilling told Baseball Digest a different story altogether.
He said of Manny’s reputation that “the media has made it up to be a much bigger deal than it is. We all joke around and have fun with it, but the guy works his butt off to do what he does. And that’s all I care about.”
Then added: “He is up…on the road…at 10 in the morning, going to the weight room and working out. He’ll come over to the ballpark and hit early, work early. Go have lunch and come back. He does things that no one else does. But that’s what all the great players I have ever played with do.”
So, that was a lie, Curt? Or are you simply lying now while trying to seem glib on your blog?
Hypocrisy & lies…lies & hypocrisy…no wonder this Clubhouse Cancer piece of shit is a zealous McCain disciple.
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,Boston Red Sox,Los Angeles Dodgers,Curt Schilling,Manny Ramirez,John McCain
Those armbands on NFL players are a fashion statement?!?
Didn’t we all assume those black armbands that NFL players wear just above their elbows on the field were a kind of bicep tendon/ligament stabilizer of some sort?
Not so, writes the New York Times:
“There is absolutely no benefit from a performance standpoint or a medical standpoint,” said Ralph Reiff, a certified athletic trainer and director of St. Vincent Sports Performance in Indianapolis. He has seen the upper-arm bands become popular on football players from the N.F.L. down to middle school. “It’s purely a fashion statement.”
Ronnie Barnes, vice president for medical services for the Giants, agreed.
“There is no medical benefit or purpose,” said Barnes, who has about 10 players on his team wearing versions of the bands. “A lot of players wear them because they believe it enhances the muscular definition in their arms. At the end of the day, you can attribute this increasing trend to the old adage: look good, feel good, play good.”
Unbelievable. Perhaps NFL players could also wear a little rouge to make their cheeks ‘pop’? Or striped pants for the O Lineman, so their asses don’t look so big. Or maybe on Sunday morning they could blow each other on the 50 yd. line…‘cause that would actually be less gay.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
MLB’s best players will continue to move around.
Is there anything that can be done to keep MLB’s best players in place for more than a couple of years at a time?
The current trend seems to be as such: sign a player to a big time contract so your team can contend. Then, when the team falls to mediocrity, you look to unload that big salary on a contender…and so on, and so on, and so on.
Is this how we like it? Let’s face it…here in Chicago we consider Alfonso Soriano to be a player easily shuffled back to the American League if the unthinkable were to happen and the Cubs suffer from a post-championship malaise in 2009.
But seriously, folks…
Manny California could be on his fourth team in 12 months by this time next year if the team that signs him to what will surely be a gigantic offseason contract doesn’t contend for the 2009 playoffs. Big name stars like CC Sabathia & Mark Texiera will probably be on their 3rd teams in a calendar year…and who knows where mainstays such as Jason Giambi, Ichiro Suzuki, Chipper Jones, Matt Holiday, Paul Konerko, Ryan Dempster and Mariano Rivera will call home?
In this age of superstars…literally some of the biggest names in baseball…changing teams so often, we think of Jeter and Pujols as the only players in baseball who are truly untouchable.
By the way…is that MLB logo batting right or left handed?
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB
Derek Jeter makes Lou Gehrig his bitch.
New York Yankee captain Derek Jeter broke Lou Gehrig's record for hits at Yankee Stadium, singling in the first inning against the Chicago Pink Sox on Tuesday night.
The hit off Gavin Floyd was Jeter's 1,270th in the 85-year-old ballpark, scheduled to close Sunday. It came in Jeter's 8,002nd major league at-bat, which also passed Gehrig for second on the Yankees' career list behind Mickey Mantle (8,102).
Good, finally that panty-waste Gehrig is being systematically eliminated from the record books.
To celebrate, Jeter let Minka Kelly do naked jumping jacks in his $12M condo for a few hours while he sat at his laptop and Googled himself.
Chrissy Wallace to be first NASCAR female superstar?
Umm…NO. Don’t think so. No matter what the WSJ says, rednecks demand a more…well…‘classic’ beauty to root for.
But she is quasi-related to that awesome Loren Wallace kid from the Geico commercials…so she has that going for her…which is nice.
“I’m a hundred miles away, son...ready to strike.”
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,NASCAR,Chrissy Wallace,Mike,Rusty,Loren,Geico,commercial,Tony Stewart
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Cubs Clinch Countdown ~ Magic Number: 4
That’s showing that red-headed step-city who’s the boss. Sabathia? Please.
This is your daily Magic Number update for the Chicago Cubs historic push towards a World Series championship and reminder of the only place that really matters.
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,MLB,Chicago Cubs,Milwaukee Brewers,Kerry Wood,Wrigley Field,magic number,CC Sabathia
Referees association supports Hochuli.
Ed Hochuli received the support of the NFL Referees Association (of which he formerly served as President) on Tuesday, two days after he botched a call at the end of the San Diego-Denver game that allowed the Broncos to keep possession and go on to score the winning points.
“No one feels worse about this than Ed, but like the coaches and players in our high-speed game, mistakes will occur,” NFLRA executive director Tim Millis said in a statement.
“The NFLRA stands by Ed Hochuli as a 19-year veteran with multiple Super Bowl and countless playoff game experience who has the integrity and character to admit a mistake and accept the criticism that comes with it.”
Big deal. Shit happens. Who cares?
On a side note, we are getting pretty sick of when every time Hochuli is mentioned on an NFL game, the broadcasters have to drool over the fact he’s a bodybuilder with huge, rippling biceps. Or they give him cute little lover-to-lover nicknames like ‘Ed Hurcules’. Or they jealously ask him if he has an extra ticket to the ‘gun show’. Sheesh. Keep your dick in your pants, Aikman.
Worst National Anthem ever?
This is “20 year old pop sensation” Kat De Luna butchering the United States National Anthem on Hispanic Heritage Day before the Eagles-Cowboys MNF game.
Do yourself a favor and don’t watch this video. Take our word for it. Even Carl Lewis says this girl cannot sing.
Start and then pause the video and then wait until the whole thing loads so you can fast forward to the very end. When the entire Texas Stadium crowd boos. That’s the best part.
Vintage Carl:
Technorati Tags: Clubhouse Cancer,ESPN,Monday Night Football,Kat DeLuna,National Anthem,Carl Lewis,Michael Jordan
Ricketts family new Cubs owners?
Word on the street is that Thomas Ricketts and the Ricketts family are the winning bidders for the Chicago Cubs, Wrigley Field, and a 25 percent stake in ComcastSports Chicago. Thomas Ricketts is the chief executive of Chicago investment bank Incapital LLC, His father, Joe Ricketts, is the founder of TD Ameritrade Holding Corp.
Word also is that the announcement will come 2 days after the end of the World Series.
What…no douchebag Mark Cuban? Evil ol’ Sam Zell must have been reading this particular page from time to time.
Notice how you haven’t seen any interviews with Ricketts or anyone associated with him? That’s perfect. We expect Ricketts, a longtime Chicago resident, to be a proud, yet mostly silent owner of sports greatest franchise. He will hire sound baseball people to run the ballclub and sit back and reap the windfall…while still getting to look like the coolest kid in school with the best show-and-tell toy.
Here is a short biography of Ricketts done by the U of Chicago GSB (Graduate School of Business) website. While on the surface he looks like a rich kid who has merely capitalized on his significant opportunities…Ricketts has worked his ass off to make a career for himself, independent of his old man. Just the kind of guy to which Cubs fans can easily relate.
Shoot us an e-mail here at Clubhouse Cancer, Tommy. You’re gonna need someone to help you with all the ‘little things’ that go with running the Cubs. Being a huge fan, doesn’t mean you know it all. If you remember that one thing…your tenure as guardian of the Chicago Cubs legacy and sport’s holiest shrine, Wrigley Field…will likely be a huge success.
