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Did the Brewers CC Sabathia pitch a no-hitter on Sunday vs. the Pittsburgh Pirates?
No way. The scorer got it right.
Sabathia better enjoy the bratwurst whilst he can, like any good fat man. He’ll be a sushi-loving, Madonna-banging, über rich Yankee dickweed in ’09.
Then the internet would be awash with pics like these. But she is. John Elway makes fun of her horseface.
She’s probably really nice, though.
Who?…you may ask. Exactly. That’s his point
While most of the world was wetting themselves over the 8 gold medals jack-toothed yokel Michael Phelps was collecting in Beijing, little known American Bryan Clay was winning the first U.S. gold in the decathlon since either Dan or Dave…can’t remember which…in ’96.
“When you’re talking about the best athlete in the world, I think it needs to be somebody that’s well rounded, that can do everything well,” Bryan told OK! magazine. “I think that’s me at this point.”
Umm…OK, dude.
“I just don’t think you can call him the world’s greatest athlete.”
Has there been a rash of Michael Phelps supporters claiming he is the world’s greatest athlete that we have never heard of? No, of course there hasn’t. Greatest Olympian? Probably. Greatest swimmer of all-time? Definitely.
One thing the ‘world’s greatest athlete’ should not have to do is tell anyone they think they deserve that title. Bruce Jenner never had to do it. Jenner also never had to tear down another athlete to make himself feel bigger. (of course, Jenner is caught up in that creepy cross-bred reality-TV world of his, so that might not be the best example)
Perhaps the luster has worn off the decathlon in the last 30 years. So what? Did Clay get into the ‘sport’ for imaginary titles? If he truly wants to defend his athleticism, let’s see how Clay would do on a ballfield…or a gridiron…or even a ‘pitch’.
Besides…everyone knows the world’s greatest athlete is Charlie Barkley. He may not be the best at any one event, but between basketball, golf, blackjack, stripper-banging, smack-talking, charity work, Price Is Right wheel spinning, cigar smoking, hilariosity and the all important ‘cool-fucking-dude’ event…Barkley is easily the cumulative champ.
So, how about a nice cup of shut the fuck up, Bryan Clay…World’s Greatest Douchebag!
Thursday night proved, once again, that the 2008 Chicago Cubs are never out of a ballgame. They can have mediocre starting pitching, below average defense, lazy early inning at-bats…and still win a game in dramatic fashion over a very, very good team like the Phillies.
Are you ready for Magic Numbers, Cubs fans?
Here is an open letter Chicago Sun-Times movie critic Roger Ebert wrote to Jay Mariotti which was sent to us by a friend, but…checking the other blogs, we see it has been posted in more than one location.
Oh well, that certainly doesn’t make it any less awesome. This, from a Pulitzer Prize winner, no less:
Dear Jay,
What an ugly way to leave the Sun-Times. It does not speak well for you. Your timing was exquisite. You signed a new contract, waited until days after the newspaper had paid for your trip to Beijing at great cost, and then resigned with a two-word e-mail: "I quit." You saved your explanation for a local television station.
As someone who was working here for 24 years before you arrived, I think you owed us more than that. You owed us decency. The fact that you saved your attack for TV only completes our portrait of you as a rat.
Newspapers are not dead, Jay, and this paper will not die because you have left. Times are hard in the newspaper business, and for the economy as a whole. Did you only sign on for the luxury cruise?
There's an old saying that you might have come across once or twice on the sports beat: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
Newspapers are not dead, Jay, because there are still readers who want the whole story, not a sound bite. If you go to work for television, viewers may get a little weary of you shouting at them. You were a great shouter in print, that's for sure, stomping your feet when owners, coaches and players didn't agree with you. It was an entertaining show. Good luck getting one of your 1,000-word rants on the air.
The rest of us are still at work, still putting out the best paper we can. We believe in our profession, and in the future. And we believe in our internet site, which you also whacked as you slithered out the door. I don't know how your column was doing, but we have the most popular sports section in Chicago. The reports and blog entries by our Washington editor Lynn Sweet have become a must-stop for millions of Americans in this election year. After a recent blog entry I wrote about the Beijing Olympics, I woke up at 5 a.m. one morning, when North America was asleep, and found that 40 percent of my 100 most recent visitors had been from China. I don't have any complaints about our web site. So far this month my web page has been visited from almost every country on earth, including one visit from the Vatican City. The Pope, no doubt. Hope you were doing as well.
You have left us, Jay, at a time when the newspaper is once again in the hands of people who love newspapers and love producing them. You managed to stay here through the dark days of the thieves Conrad Black and David Radler. The paper lost millions. Incredibly, we are still paying Black's legal fees.
I started here when Marshall Field and Jim Hoge were running the paper. I stayed through the Rupert Murdoch regime. I was asked, "How can you work for a Murdoch paper?"
My reply was: "It's not his paper. It's my paper. He only owns it."
That's the way I've always felt about the Sun-Times, and I still do. On your way out, don't let the door bang you on the ass.
Your former colleague,
Roger Ebert
We collected these pics during the Olympics in hopes they would turn into an interesting post…but, as usual, no dice.
So, here you go.
We only hope these women haven’t already been killed for being labeled as ‘harlots’ or something.
The NCAA is up in arms that CBS Sports is running a college fantasy football league, because doesn't like the ‘added pressure’ it places on young ‘student-athletes’.
“We still believe that we have the responsibility to protect and act on behalf of student-athletes,” NCAA spokesman Bob Williams said. “There are marked differences between professional leagues and college athletics.”
Uh-huh. We read that trite crap as: ‘Give us a piece of the pie and we won’t say boo.’ The only real difference between the two is the payout for talent.
But, here’s the rub:
College fantasy football is stupid.
We have our 22nd annual fantasy draft on Saturday, and through the years have participated in a college fantasy league or two. Play is wildly erratic from week to week, so it takes much more of your precious time if you intend to have a decent squad. Depending on the league, you might even have to keep track of how the backup kicker for Iowa State did in high school, for christ’s sake.
Plus, school allegiances come into play. How could we, as Texas fans…ever consider picking an Aggie or a Sooner? How can we, as intelligent individuals…ever pick a Boilermaker?
Not interested.
We’ll just wait until they get to the NFL so we can wildly overpick a guy like MJD again, thank you very much.
The Cubs are the best team in baseball…football season is upon us…love is in the air.
Welcome back to a wonderful America, Ana Ivanovic.
From ESPN.com:
Pro Bowl linebacker Shawne Merriman will forgo knee surgery and play this season for the San Diego Chargers despite the fact he has two torn ligaments in his left knee.
“I’m going to play,” Merriman texted the San Diego Union-Tribune. “I’ll deal with it when it’s time to get surgery.”
Merriman said Saturday that he has been told by doctors that he could suffer a possible career-ending injury if he attempts to play without having surgery.
Merriman said he has tears in both the posterior cruciate and lateral collateral ligaments. He said doctors agree that he needs surgery to repair the damage.
That’s all well and good…but we keep hearing what Merriman claims throughout this knee saga. What do the Chargers…and more importantly the doctors really say about this? Speak up, guys.
San Diego is pretty good, and has a legitimate shot at the Super Bowl with a healthy Merriman…but not with a Merriman who is only 75% of his usual bad-ass self. Does he really want to risk the rest of a career which will now be filled with non-guaranteed contracts, incentive clauses and failing team physicals?
They stop inviting you to the Playboy Mansion when you suck, dude. Just ask Urlacher.
Since Tiger Woods has some spare time on his hands, it looks like he’s doing a major media-blitz in support of his sponsors and their billions.
A few thoughts:
You don’t usually get to see this much Tiger when he is unprepared for the questions. It’s kinda nice to know he does suck at something.
We all know it’s gonna happen eventually. Just like how we collectively knew Mark McGwire was ‘roid stacking and the Bears would make a terrible 2008 first-round pick…common sense.
So, why do we have to wait until someone is killed…literally dead…before MLB outlaws the ever-exploding maple bats forever? Because the composition of baseball bats is something negotiated in the collective bargaining agreement and the players think they can hit more home runs by using them which will then translate into bigger contracts.
As usual, it’s only about money. The player’s are insisting someone, probably an innocent fan, die before they do the moral thing and abandon maple bats.
Why should fans have to suffer through added netting to plexiglass barriers just so the players…who don’t ever realize how little their individual worth is to their sport…can eek a few more homers into the basket?
Does hardened maple even make a batted ball travel farther? This is a question that can only be settled by Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel.
So the ‘big’ news today is that Chicago Sun-Times’ bottom-bitch Jay Mariotti ‘resigned’ from the newspaper amid his growing concerns about the direction which newspaper journalism is headed.
We would quote Mariotti here…but since he’s not known for quoting people correctly, we somehow don’t quite feel the need. Suffice to say he’s claiming the newspaper business is dying an Upshawian death and he doesn’t want to go down with the sinking ship.
Don’t the rats always flee first?
Of course, we want to know what the real story here is. Why would Mariotti come back to the Sun-Times for 2 days only to quit so abruptly mid-week? Cause you know where Mariotti is involved, there is some major drama going down.
Did he finally find the dead fish Rick Telander hid in his bottom desk drawer while he was in China? Did a jilted Chinese ‘masseur’ e-mail naked pics to the entire Chicago media pool? Did Ozzie Guillen’s homeboys make Mariotti ‘an offer he couldn’t refuse’?
Whatever the real reason, Mariotti is about to find out just how many sports fans truly despise him. He says he’s talking to websites about joining this fray and we say he’s more than welcome. Jay Mariotti is going to find out what’s it’s like to get unfiltered, anonymous feedback…the kind of which he has never really received…and he isn’t going to like it.
He is going to quickly realize what a captive audience he had at the Sun-Times and still has on ESPN…for the time being, that is. He’s never had to really compete for readership, they way we sports bloggers do. He’ll probably join an already established site like the Huffington Post which will simply love the negative attention for the first few weeks…but will rapidly tire of the dwindling page views, which are sure to follow.
Jay Mariotti is a talented scribe, of that there can be little argument…but he is a vile, reprehensible pussy…and he’s about to get a Venezuelan fist-full of reality.
Ahhh…nice to know we can finally read the Sun-Times again.
For those of you who have already forgotten, Shawn Johnson is the pixie US gymnast who won a gold medal on the balance beam in Beijing.
Remember, this is just a little kid who has almost nothing to say. We would rather listen to 48 hours of the Jonas Brothers while on fire than another second of this screechy teenage horror.
Enjoy.
Olympic Cuban Taekwondo participant Angel Matos deliberately kicked a referee square in the face after he was disqualified in a bronze-medal match.
Big deal. That’s how Taekwondo guy react to disappointment. They kick things for a living for god’s sake. Why should a corrupt Olympic referee be exempt from a good face kicking?
Anyway, here’s the video.
That’s how the New York Times is spinning it. According to Ebersol, chairman of NBC Sports, he not only convinced the IOC exactly when to stage the Olympics, but he consulted Michael Phelps on holding swimming events first thing in the morning, so they would be televised live here in America.
Since Dick Ebersol clearly farts rainbows and shits solid gold bricks…why didn’t NBC step up and condemn China for its ‘human rights’ record, which included detaining 8 American protestors? Huh, Dick? No money it it, you say? Got it.
To read Ebersol’s version of events, it should have been called the 2008 Ebersolympic Games held in the city of Ebersoljing in the country of Ebersolvia.
Umm…what exactly was the NFL Channel going for here? The black viewer? Hell, Sterling and Faulk are whiter than Greg Gumbell these days. Fail.
A different booth for different’s sake? As pro football fans, we’ve become accustomed to a play-by-play man who defers to his experienced colleagues…and Sharpe definitely has the background to comment on anything he wants. He’s a borderline HOFer with two bona fide 1st Balloters flanking him.
But…here’s the thing.
Sterling Sharpe sucks.
He’s not certainly engaging in the least, and his alleged ‘personality’ seems completely forced. The only one who shows any insight is Marshall, who is doing some good work for the network. Sterling and Deion seem to be trying too hard and competing with each other…perhaps to cement themselves as a ‘one-name’ brand?
We still can’t forget the asshole Sterling with such disdain for the media..he wouldn’t grant any interviews for his final couple of seasons. Then his hypocritical ass turns to the same media for a paycheck when his neck was busted?
We NFL fanatics have long memories…and we’re exactly the type fans the NFL Channels is so desperate to attract…so, you would think they would have more insight than to use a vile Clubhouse Cancer like Sterling Sharpe in such a prominent role.
The way he took that extra base on MannyCalifornia and his pathetic right noodle in the 11th turning a single into a double in tonight’s Phillies 5-2 win over the dodgers…was fucking brilliant.
The last person we would ever want to agree with is Joe Morgan, but when he’s right…he’s right. That was big. league. hustle.
A Hawaiian native, Victorino already celebrated earlier in the day when Waipahu, Hawaii, beat Mexico in the Little League World Series.
“It was a big day for Hawaii,” he said.
No shit, dude.
Two things:
Did it occur to anyone how many of those kids from frickin’ Matomoros (don’t have the cabbie take you to the ‘market’, btw), yes frickin’ Matomoros, Mexico, which is just on the other side of the goddamn Rio Grande from Brownsville, Tx…probably go to school right here in the good ol’ USA?
They’re more than welcome, of course…but couldn’t they help try to give some American town a better chance. But, the US wins again, so fuck you Mexico.
And.
How many Dodgers have figured out what Clubhouse Cancer Manny is by now?
At least there’s pretty lights.
Jason Taylor was carted off the field tonight during the Redskins preseason blowout loss to Carolina with a knee injury. An MRI is scheduled for Sunday to assess the damage.
That’s what happens when you spend your off-season training for non-football activities…your ligaments get accustomed to a different range of motion and you build up previously seldom used muscles.
Somewhere in South Florida, Bill Parcells is chuckling to himself.
Here he is with his new ‘friend’, 2008 Miss World Zhang Zilin.
OK, this pic is admittedly pretty stupid…but if you want highbrow…go to Deadspin. They think an awful lot of themselves.
